I wrote this 2 years ago...and i like it

It's times like these when you realize where you stand, times when you figure out that, somehow, you're different, weird maybe, compared to the people surrounding you. Why do you feel so out of space and ahead of time, when you know that it's just that time passed by you leaving you back here with them, trying hopelessly to fit in.......and smile?

Smile....such an old verb it seems, do you remember the last time you uttered a sincere smile? I bet you don't even remember who or what caused that smile.... or maybe you do, it doesn't matter either way.

Do you even care about what they think of you? Ironic questions that can be answered only by sarcastic visions of what might have been. Relax, don't dwell. Time is only teasing you, playing a cheap game of hide and seek where you are the one hiding subconsciously and unintentionally, and time seeks after you but only when it feels like it..... it just enjoys that expressionless look on your face.

You think of joy yet now your greatest joy is a cigarette and the voice of Astrud Gilberto singing some fine tunes of jazz music playing in the background while you reminisce and reflect. Back then, your greatest joy varied according to time and place, and you had the ability to take control over your joy, know when and how to truly laugh and when and how not to. Laugh?? Yes, i see now before my eyes the laugh that was merely the cause of other people's laughter, now it got shortened down into a fake giggle.

Then you come to realize that it's not them nor is it time that caused your sorrow, well, actually time played a major role in your sorrow because it took away the good times, when you used to belong, and left. Way ahead of you. But come to think of it, you also grew, mind body and soul; you got caught back where you really don't fit much, you let time pass you by while you took care of the worthless....and u were left blank.

So, maybe it's mainly your fault that you can't smile anymore.....or maybe it's just another irritating daydream.......... I should get back to my coffee...cheers!

Today's song is a song that makes me smile:

Eric Clapton - Layla (Jazz)