She's Twenty two

Happy Birthday Sweet Thing

Things she told me (2)

"I am so proud of you by the way. I think you are the cutest person there is"

"I want to see you"

"I love you"

"I'm bored, and I miss spending time with you"

"Please marry me and take me away from here"

"You're the greatest blessing a person could ever have."

"I love you. Very much."

"I can't wait till you're done!"

"Good night baby"

"You're all I'll ever need"

"You are my world. Good night world. I hope I make you happy."

"Thank you for kissing my forehead. And for taking me in your arms.. when I sounded like an 8 year old crying over a broken doll"

"I miss us"

"This is not happening.. You are my everything. This can't happen. I am not letting it happen."

This hurts.

I wish i could turn back time.

but i can't.....

i can't

Beauty

I want to see beauty through your eyes
would you let me?
would you take me by the hand
to places only you can see
Would you take me to a journey
a world only you can understand
teach me to appreciate
to ponder
maybe wonder
and smile
realise the beauty of small things
things not visible to my sometimes ignorant eyes
for i'm in a bad dream
and i'm longing for your traquilizing hand
to wake me up

Things she told me (1)

"How do I thank you for being you?"

"You know that "aaah I love you" feeling?"

"I love you"

"I'm tired and I miss you and it's putting me in a bad mood"

"Was just hating you for ignoring me"

"Sorry, was picking dishes for our home"

"I miss you I would cry"

"Mohammed are you ok?"

"I'm sorry I'm calling too much, I'm just worried about you"

"Don't you miss me?"

".... I just want a hug, and have you talk to me while i can actually feel you breathe..."

"I wish I was there"

" You didn't wish me a happy 16th monthiversary, but still i love you"

"I infinitely love you"

"It's one of the most yearning hungers i have ever felt"

"... I'm in bed too.. dream of me. And don't ever leave me. ever."

"I'm so proud of you!"

"I feel lonely and exiled and stranded and homesick and imprisoned"

"I love Egypt"

"I don't know how I thought I would've been better off without you..."

"I love you baby"

"I wish I was with you"

"I'm sorry. I miss you.. and I hurt for you"

"We should've been somewhere where I could kiss you at midnight"

"I miss you ya ma7ammad"

".... and hugs and pampering and never leaving your side, I love you"

"I love you! Thank you and uff.. I love you"



I feel fooled. Robbed.

Delete.

Two

Two years now

Felt like a decade.

The amount of feelings throughout the two years.

The amount of experiences, tears and laughter. (in need of laughter)

The discoveries, good and bad, self discoveries and otherwise.

One thing remains the same, inside me, it won't go despite the solid reasons for it to go. It just won't. Because it's too strong, stronger than her sugarless coffee that makes her breath smell like the best coffee place you could ever imagine. One that invites you to a journey, a life journey.

I am not home, physically, mentally and emotionally. And I long to be back. Home is where it all started, where the cocoon developed into a pretty butterfly.

My longing for home and the feeling that it's close by, makes me feel relatively happy. But deep inside I know I could have been happier, would have been, should have been.

I am a sea of forgiveness

A land of hope

A sky of purity

The end of the rope

I'm coming home

Would I find open doors,

arms spread out wide,
and smooth floors?

Sometimes things happen that you cannot control, no matter how hard you try. Eventually, ride smoothly, without pressing on the engine too much, and the car takes you to your destination, a bit late, but it takes you there.

I'm a dreamer

I had a dream

and I would like to see it happen

Because I deserve it.

P.S. You was/are the light of my eyes.... happy 2 :)

Death

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome" - Isaac Asimov

For sometime now i've been unwell, uneasy.
My heart pounds in an undefined time signature. It doesn't beat, it pounds. And it keeps skipping beats, and oh how that hurts, makes me feel as if i died for a split second.

I have a feeling I'm going to die soon, I don't know why. This has never happened to me before, but the feeling and the thought keeps occuring to me making me unable to live a normal life and enjoy my father's visit to Egypt and all the family gatherings.

I'm not afraid of death to be honest, I've never been scared to death of anything because I've been through a lot in my life and i believe in myself, I believe i'm capable of overcoming anything that comes my way.

However, I've had Two worst fears in my life that have always scared me (death isn't one of them), and one of them came knocking at my door a month ago and kept knocking and i never answered. Because i was scared.

Life wasn't that fair to me the past 24 years, but I've never lost faith and stil haven't. Until life gave me a blessing 2 years ago, a blessing i couldn't have ever dreamed of, and that blessing gave meaning to my life, my existance. I couldn't let life take that away from me, not now, not ever.

I'm not afraid to die, I'm only curious becuse I've always had high aspirations, dreams I wanted to achieve and I've always wanted to see myself achieving my dreams. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason, which means that my death will definately have a strong reason behind it, hence, so be it.

free love

Dear me,
Thank you for who you are, for being a strong man, a hint of an artist, a passionate lover and a believer. Thank you for taking difficult-but-solid steps towards happiness. Thank you for putting a smile on the faces of the people you love dearly. And thank you for taking all the bullshit that life had to give you. You will always be remembered for your good deeds.
Thank you
Yours Sincerely
Mohammed J. ELGohary

P.S. Just in case I never get to tell you this in your face: I Love You more than common sense.

Little things I want ...

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mahatma Gandhi



I want to wake up everyday
and force a smile on my face
I want to stop running
and move at a moderate pace
I want to love eternally
and hate no one
I want to take you there
to see that sinking sun
I want so many little things
I also want to hear you sing
I want happiness everywhere
and smiles for people to share
I want to sleep easily
counting sheep is so silly
I want things you might not see
small things that make me me


"Reality is something you rise above."- Liza Minnelli

I want to rise above reality
And make up my own

Hope

"Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. Hopefulness is somewhat different from optimism in that hope is an emotional state, whereas optimism is a conclusion reached through a deliberate thought pattern that leads to a positive attitude."


"Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul.
And sings the tune
Without the words,
and never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson


I am a man of desire, a man of passion, a man filled with emotions, not the gay ones, but real emotions.
I have a heart so big, it can fit the whole world, literally.
I hate to hate, i sometimes do, but then i realise that hating is foolish, and i'm not a fool.
I am a man of love, and love is not easy, be it loving your family, your friends or your partner, it's a tough job. Yes, job!
Most of all, I am a man of hope.

Hope is my fuel, my ammunition, my shield against the world and enemies such as pessimism and despair, sadness and loss.

I hope for good days to come
I hope for happiness


I hope for clarity
I hope for faith
I hope for answers to unanswered questions
I hope for gratefulness and gratitude
I hope for hope
I hope for beauty
I hope for laughter and sincere giggles
I hope for success
I hope for self achievement
I hope for small things that make me happy
I hope for understanding
I hope for love
and i hope for more love

I'm not greedy neither am I selfish, I'm hoping for fairness, the world has to be fair to me because I've always been fair to the world.



I don't need sympathy or pity
I'm a persistant man

because i'm hopeful

and i love

i love and will keep loving

till the day i die


"Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have." - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

"Hope is only the love of life." - Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Would you?

You cry yourself to sleep
Tear after tear
You crawl into your hole
And disappear
You thought you knew what love
was all about
Oh no it's over darling
And your love was running out

Would you miss me if I lost my mind?
Would you kiss me if I said what's right?
Would you fall for me .... if I wrote you a love song?

Those were the words from the song "Would you?" by my very good friend/musician Omar Abou Shady.
I couldn't find a song that i wanted to listen to, and I am a fan of a handful of music genres and musicians, but the state of mind I'm in at the moment is making me not want to listen to anything, because anything reminds me of everything, and I do not want to remember, remembering hurts.
Then I came across this song, would you, such an amazing song, lyrics that are so simple but full of meaning. And it WAS the song i've been subconsciously looking for.

Would you?