For sometime now i've been unwell, uneasy.
My heart pounds in an undefined time signature. It doesn't beat, it pounds. And it keeps skipping beats, and oh how that hurts, makes me feel as if i died for a split second.
I have a feeling I'm going to die soon, I don't know why. This has never happened to me before, but the feeling and the thought keeps occuring to me making me unable to live a normal life and enjoy my father's visit to Egypt and all the family gatherings.
I'm not afraid of death to be honest, I've never been scared to death of anything because I've been through a lot in my life and i believe in myself, I believe i'm capable of overcoming anything that comes my way.
However, I've had Two worst fears in my life that have always scared me (death isn't one of them), and one of them came knocking at my door a month ago and kept knocking and i never answered. Because i was scared.
Life wasn't that fair to me the past 24 years, but I've never lost faith and stil haven't. Until life gave me a blessing 2 years ago, a blessing i couldn't have ever dreamed of, and that blessing gave meaning to my life, my existance. I couldn't let life take that away from me, not now, not ever.
I'm not afraid to die, I'm only curious becuse I've always had high aspirations, dreams I wanted to achieve and I've always wanted to see myself achieving my dreams. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason, which means that my death will definately have a strong reason behind it, hence, so be it.
Dear me,
Thank you for who you are, for being a strong man, a hint of an artist, a passionate lover and a believer. Thank you for taking difficult-but-solid steps towards happiness. Thank you for putting a smile on the faces of the people you love dearly. And thank you for taking all the bullshit that life had to give you. You will always be remembered for your good deeds.
Thank you
Yours Sincerely
Mohammed J. ELGohary
P.S. Just in case I never get to tell you this in your face: I Love You more than common sense.
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