Shut down, Rest .... Restart

And suddenly i look it in the eye....and actually picture myself on the other end, waving back at me and probably smirking.

"Ey you!!

Wha?!"

flashback.....10 years ago

Who's that? do i know you?

So many people I've known, places i've been, in my head, in person...

things i've done

and it goes on

i close my eyes.....asleep but not asleep....I can hear them singing and dancing 10 feet away

I can listen to their conversations.....but they're just mumbles to me....and i drift.

I drift into a world of nothing....blankness and divinity all in one.

And for the first time in my 24 years, 6 months and 14 days... I was allowed to stop!

STOP thinking

STOP wondering

STOP remembering

STOP dreaming

As if my brain had been restarted, rested for 3 hours....and put back on again.

And I'm a new man.

Today's song:

Cold - End of The World (Acoustic)

I could be wrong.

Yes i could be

I could be thinking the other way round

I could be dwelling over a faded sound
I could be

I could be misinterpreting everything

I might not even have the true ability to sing

I could not need the things i think i need

I could need less
I could be less of a mess

I could let go and smile
I could be

I might have needed the bigger picture

The "new" bigger picture

Because the old one is too outdated

The new big picture seems to look good

I think i'm positive it is

I could let go of the old

and grasp the new

I could grow up.... i should grow up

Maybe things are too complicated because i let them be so

I should be the music to a new song
Telling everyone that I could be wrong

Today's song:

Sixpense None the richer - Kiss Me

My favourite Poem

The following is by far the best poem I've ever heard:


"I fear thet I will always be
A lonely number like root 3
A 3 is all that's good and right
Why must my 3 keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign
I wish instead I were a 9
For 9 could thwart this evil trick
With just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun
As 1.7321
Such as my reality
A sad irrationality
When arc as what is this I see
Another square root of a 3
As quietly come waltzing by
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave from magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed"        
- Kumar Patell "From the movie Harold And Kumar"




I wish i had the creativity to write you something as meaningful and expressive like this poem Sara.


I love you and I don't know why
I love you more than the times I try
To show you how my love is intense
I love you more than anyone else
I love you more than common sense






Today's song:
Bob Marley - Could you be loved

Back to Life

I won't start about the Algeria issue, the only thing i liked about that country was their music (some of it). Otherwise, they could all go to hell for all I care. Egypt has been hurt and broken, and it's making all the cities look sad. I can feel it in the air in Cairo and in Alexandria.

Three things to make us feel better:

1- Public apology by the Algerian Government.

2- Bye Bye Algerian Ambassador in Egypt.

3- Banning all sorts of activities with Algeria for at least 2 years.

No violence needed, just sane, "humanly"  actions. And I think that's the least that Egypt deserves. In the end, that is just my opinion.

I went out with my Alexandrian friends today, it was so much fun, fun that i hadn't had for a while.

We went to the movies, watched "The Surrogates", it was a good movie, but i think Bruce Willis is that same character in Die Hard in all of his movies.

After movies we had a seafood massacre dinner at my favourite seafood restaurant in town called "A'arous El Bahr" or "Mermaid" in English. Aaaah it's 6 hours later now and i'm still full! Dehydrated... but full!

Then we went to a coffee shop to play cards.

So much fun and laughter, I had missed that for a while.

Life took me away, responsibilities, maintaining stability and ensuring a stable future, work and University.

It was just simply lively and lovely being around my favourite people and enjoying a good time in their company.

We were debating an issue while having dinner, a friend said : "A woman would marry a guy who doesn't have a stable future or isn't rich or can at least maintain HER lifestyle ONLY if she loves him. A woman would also marry a guy who is rich and can buy her everything she wants if she doesn't love him and/or neglect his faults for his money"

what do you think?

Today's song

Ray Charles - Yesterday

I wrote this 2 years ago...and i like it

It's times like these when you realize where you stand, times when you figure out that, somehow, you're different, weird maybe, compared to the people surrounding you. Why do you feel so out of space and ahead of time, when you know that it's just that time passed by you leaving you back here with them, trying hopelessly to fit in.......and smile?

Smile....such an old verb it seems, do you remember the last time you uttered a sincere smile? I bet you don't even remember who or what caused that smile.... or maybe you do, it doesn't matter either way.

Do you even care about what they think of you? Ironic questions that can be answered only by sarcastic visions of what might have been. Relax, don't dwell. Time is only teasing you, playing a cheap game of hide and seek where you are the one hiding subconsciously and unintentionally, and time seeks after you but only when it feels like it..... it just enjoys that expressionless look on your face.

You think of joy yet now your greatest joy is a cigarette and the voice of Astrud Gilberto singing some fine tunes of jazz music playing in the background while you reminisce and reflect. Back then, your greatest joy varied according to time and place, and you had the ability to take control over your joy, know when and how to truly laugh and when and how not to. Laugh?? Yes, i see now before my eyes the laugh that was merely the cause of other people's laughter, now it got shortened down into a fake giggle.

Then you come to realize that it's not them nor is it time that caused your sorrow, well, actually time played a major role in your sorrow because it took away the good times, when you used to belong, and left. Way ahead of you. But come to think of it, you also grew, mind body and soul; you got caught back where you really don't fit much, you let time pass you by while you took care of the worthless....and u were left blank.

So, maybe it's mainly your fault that you can't smile anymore.....or maybe it's just another irritating daydream.......... I should get back to my coffee...cheers!

Today's song is a song that makes me smile:

Eric Clapton - Layla (Jazz)

I won't

I'm left with no options. It's like starting all over again, only this time I'm only allowed to sit back and observe, I have no right to comment, to object, to be against something, even if I'm right nothing I say or do will change a thing. So I give in, I sit back, I relax and breathe, listen to music in my head. And shut up.

I won't complain

I won't express my anger, disappointment or any excessive feeling.

I won't give advice unless asked to, and when I do, I won't discuss my advice, because it won't make a difference anyway.

I won't dwell, I won't love too much, nor hate too much.

I won't show any signs of my yearning, my longing for anything.

I won't show any expressions on my face.

I will keep smiling.

and I will, I WILL ALWAYS keep up the music. It's all I have, it's my savior, my shelter.

Today's Song:

Cold - Bleed

I rant!

 

I like to believe that i exist in more than one dimension.

I think about everything, altogether, all at once, it confuses me.

It's who I am.

I like to write in this form, fragmented sentences, it makes me feel organized.

I'm a clean/tidy freak.

I'm a freak.

It has been raining all day today in Alexandria, I feel in peace.

Rain is beauty, beauty is a word that shouldn't be defined, it's a state of mind.

I smoke a lot these days, i don't like that, too much stress.

I try to be perfect, I'm a lousy perfectionist.

I miss a lot of things that don't happen anymore, because life is a bitch.

And yet life goes on.

I want to go away. But I love this place.

Egypt is like a chronic disease, it doesn't go away, it stays till you love getting used to it.

I want to be 20 again, and embrace it.

Love is underestimated, I think.

I believe in Allah.

I believe in myself.

I believe in you.

I am always going to be a musician, even if I don't practice music.

I believe in music, it's a more powerful language than any language.

Tomorrow is a new day, I hope the rain stays, and the evil goes to sleep.

Rain is a larger form of love. Love between the sky and the land.

Today's Song:

Astrud Gilberto - Gentle Rain

Ramblings of sleepless soul

I take a drag of smoke
It's the last cigarette today

Yes, it wasn't a joke
It happens almost everyday
 
It's a joke that isn't funny
It's rather sad actually

It's a day that isn't sunny
It's bedtime again finally

 She lies while she's crying
I pretend I'm not listening
Then she cries while she's lying

And then I believe everything

I'm drained in my own emotions

Stained by random mistakes
I scream in haphazard motions

The soul takes what it takes

Sun is shining
It's a brand new day

That thin purple lining
Is almost fading away

Today's song:
Jon Bon Jovi - Ugly 

A letter to a soulmate

Dear Soulmate,

I know I've been saying this for a while, but yes, you've been gone for a long while, I hope you come back soon. And if you don't ever, I hope you're in a happier place, and I would like you to know that I miss you truly and I think about you more than I ever thought I would.

I wish you were here now, sharing this special moment with me. I'm on a boat, sailing through the Nile of Cairo, along with my dark sailor friend from southern Egypt. Sharing a fruitful conversation of silence, you know, when two people just sit there and absorb the air. That's what i'm doing right now, absorbing the air. Breathing in beauty and remniscing.

It's late at night, yet the Nile is as bright as could be. I come here by myself quite often. It's the closest i feel to you, dear soulmate. And it brings a smile to my face everytime I take my Nubian friend who, by the way, is called Salah. He sometimes just sits there sailing, smoking a cigarrette with me and just out of nowhere, starts to sing Nubian songs, songs about a culture that seems so appealing, so different even though it exists in the same country we live in.

I know, if you were here with me now, you'd be smiling just as widely as I am.

Dear Soulmate,

I wish you love, I send you all my love, I wish you peace and a prosperous life.

And "When" I see you again, I'll just shut up, and let the silence speak.

Yours Sincerely

Mohammed J.

your song for today:

Michael Buble - Everything

Morning light

It's such a beautiful day outside

I'm tempted to take you for a ride
Down a highway inside my mind

It's a bumpy road in my head

All the colours seem to be red

And all the pretty people have fled

Into the beauty of the morning light

Clarity

I've been away. I went to see heaven on Earth. South Sinai. (will post pictures soon)

I have learned to appreciate this country more.

I have learned to think straight, and know

I now know

Who I am

What I want

Where I want my life to go.

And I will do everything with a smile.

I will accept the outcomes.

I will never ask myself "What if?"

And I will keep smiling.