Found something so precious to me

I was going through my old notes on facebook and i found a post that was written by my girlfriend Sara and I, before we even got together. It's amazes me now that me and her could come up with something so intense!

And yes! we bonded on an intellectual level and sometimes we still do! Here it is:

PS. This was written on Monday, July 23rd 2007 at 2:00 a.m. Cairo Local Time.

Every letter of every word keeps ticking in my head, you know when words are scrambled in your head and all of them just sum up to the same meaning? but who will do the unscrambling? i don't think i even have the will to do that at the moment....

This is not an attempt to set straight all of the words in my head, it's just an attempt to set things straight within me, start writing again, not poetically, but intellectually, yes, connect intellectually with my inner self.

Countless attempts are made and nothing would, could satisfy you...countless maneouvers...countless techniques and you still don't like what you read;
over and over...cross that out, edit this and add that and it's not good enough just yet.

People say i'm blessed with good vocabulary, i think i'm not. I'm just a person whose only refugee is a couple of words written while uttering a couple of sighs in the process, yes, because unfortunately most of my words come out of sadness and shear unhappiness.
In times of doubt and questioning and in those in search of that far off hiding place in my head- in fact when i'm happy, pen and paper are abandoned, mostly. No coincidence would it be, a tear drop on paper...and the ink would bleed.

It's not that i'm an unhappy or depressed person, if you know me quite well, you'd never relate my writings to me, because when i'm outside with the world, you'd constantly hear my laughter and see my shining yellow teeth from miles away, but then, the difference between happy and unhappy is actually a thin line, just like the difference between genius and insane; or that between loving someone enough to hate them; the rage that builds within you for not being able to meet the need...and it leaves you weak. You hate being weak.

Speaking about weakness, have you ever felt so weak around someone that you could swear that this weakness could instantaneously be turned into strength only if your need from being around that person is matched?
So weak that you believe that in their presence you find your strength, in their embrace...your long yearning for home. In that moment home is turned into that relative concept, something more than just a place.
Oh well, forget about it, too complicated, or maybe i'm just overreacting to the thought. I think no one is weak until proven otherwise.

And what's that talk about "the best things in life are for free"?? I must say this is the most gibberish i have ever heard, things that come for free go away in a glimpse, things that are earned are those that matter, the more you fight to get something, the more valuable it is to you and the less likely it is to be lost.
If someone is there for you whenever, no matter what happens between you, if you know it that no matter how you treat them ,or whatever you do to them they're always going to be there for you, it's only natural that you take them forgranted. It's not a matter of ungratefulness, it's the fact that they unconditionally spoil you...... because they were always there "For Free"!