I could be wrong.

Yes i could be

I could be thinking the other way round

I could be dwelling over a faded sound
I could be

I could be misinterpreting everything

I might not even have the true ability to sing

I could not need the things i think i need

I could need less
I could be less of a mess

I could let go and smile
I could be

I might have needed the bigger picture

The "new" bigger picture

Because the old one is too outdated

The new big picture seems to look good

I think i'm positive it is

I could let go of the old

and grasp the new

I could grow up.... i should grow up

Maybe things are too complicated because i let them be so

I should be the music to a new song
Telling everyone that I could be wrong

Today's song:

Sixpense None the richer - Kiss Me

My favourite Poem

The following is by far the best poem I've ever heard:


"I fear thet I will always be
A lonely number like root 3
A 3 is all that's good and right
Why must my 3 keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign
I wish instead I were a 9
For 9 could thwart this evil trick
With just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun
As 1.7321
Such as my reality
A sad irrationality
When arc as what is this I see
Another square root of a 3
As quietly come waltzing by
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave from magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed"        
- Kumar Patell "From the movie Harold And Kumar"




I wish i had the creativity to write you something as meaningful and expressive like this poem Sara.


I love you and I don't know why
I love you more than the times I try
To show you how my love is intense
I love you more than anyone else
I love you more than common sense






Today's song:
Bob Marley - Could you be loved

Back to Life

I won't start about the Algeria issue, the only thing i liked about that country was their music (some of it). Otherwise, they could all go to hell for all I care. Egypt has been hurt and broken, and it's making all the cities look sad. I can feel it in the air in Cairo and in Alexandria.

Three things to make us feel better:

1- Public apology by the Algerian Government.

2- Bye Bye Algerian Ambassador in Egypt.

3- Banning all sorts of activities with Algeria for at least 2 years.

No violence needed, just sane, "humanly"  actions. And I think that's the least that Egypt deserves. In the end, that is just my opinion.

I went out with my Alexandrian friends today, it was so much fun, fun that i hadn't had for a while.

We went to the movies, watched "The Surrogates", it was a good movie, but i think Bruce Willis is that same character in Die Hard in all of his movies.

After movies we had a seafood massacre dinner at my favourite seafood restaurant in town called "A'arous El Bahr" or "Mermaid" in English. Aaaah it's 6 hours later now and i'm still full! Dehydrated... but full!

Then we went to a coffee shop to play cards.

So much fun and laughter, I had missed that for a while.

Life took me away, responsibilities, maintaining stability and ensuring a stable future, work and University.

It was just simply lively and lovely being around my favourite people and enjoying a good time in their company.

We were debating an issue while having dinner, a friend said : "A woman would marry a guy who doesn't have a stable future or isn't rich or can at least maintain HER lifestyle ONLY if she loves him. A woman would also marry a guy who is rich and can buy her everything she wants if she doesn't love him and/or neglect his faults for his money"

what do you think?

Today's song

Ray Charles - Yesterday

I wrote this 2 years ago...and i like it

It's times like these when you realize where you stand, times when you figure out that, somehow, you're different, weird maybe, compared to the people surrounding you. Why do you feel so out of space and ahead of time, when you know that it's just that time passed by you leaving you back here with them, trying hopelessly to fit in.......and smile?

Smile....such an old verb it seems, do you remember the last time you uttered a sincere smile? I bet you don't even remember who or what caused that smile.... or maybe you do, it doesn't matter either way.

Do you even care about what they think of you? Ironic questions that can be answered only by sarcastic visions of what might have been. Relax, don't dwell. Time is only teasing you, playing a cheap game of hide and seek where you are the one hiding subconsciously and unintentionally, and time seeks after you but only when it feels like it..... it just enjoys that expressionless look on your face.

You think of joy yet now your greatest joy is a cigarette and the voice of Astrud Gilberto singing some fine tunes of jazz music playing in the background while you reminisce and reflect. Back then, your greatest joy varied according to time and place, and you had the ability to take control over your joy, know when and how to truly laugh and when and how not to. Laugh?? Yes, i see now before my eyes the laugh that was merely the cause of other people's laughter, now it got shortened down into a fake giggle.

Then you come to realize that it's not them nor is it time that caused your sorrow, well, actually time played a major role in your sorrow because it took away the good times, when you used to belong, and left. Way ahead of you. But come to think of it, you also grew, mind body and soul; you got caught back where you really don't fit much, you let time pass you by while you took care of the worthless....and u were left blank.

So, maybe it's mainly your fault that you can't smile anymore.....or maybe it's just another irritating daydream.......... I should get back to my coffee...cheers!

Today's song is a song that makes me smile:

Eric Clapton - Layla (Jazz)

I won't

I'm left with no options. It's like starting all over again, only this time I'm only allowed to sit back and observe, I have no right to comment, to object, to be against something, even if I'm right nothing I say or do will change a thing. So I give in, I sit back, I relax and breathe, listen to music in my head. And shut up.

I won't complain

I won't express my anger, disappointment or any excessive feeling.

I won't give advice unless asked to, and when I do, I won't discuss my advice, because it won't make a difference anyway.

I won't dwell, I won't love too much, nor hate too much.

I won't show any signs of my yearning, my longing for anything.

I won't show any expressions on my face.

I will keep smiling.

and I will, I WILL ALWAYS keep up the music. It's all I have, it's my savior, my shelter.

Today's Song:

Cold - Bleed

I rant!

 

I like to believe that i exist in more than one dimension.

I think about everything, altogether, all at once, it confuses me.

It's who I am.

I like to write in this form, fragmented sentences, it makes me feel organized.

I'm a clean/tidy freak.

I'm a freak.

It has been raining all day today in Alexandria, I feel in peace.

Rain is beauty, beauty is a word that shouldn't be defined, it's a state of mind.

I smoke a lot these days, i don't like that, too much stress.

I try to be perfect, I'm a lousy perfectionist.

I miss a lot of things that don't happen anymore, because life is a bitch.

And yet life goes on.

I want to go away. But I love this place.

Egypt is like a chronic disease, it doesn't go away, it stays till you love getting used to it.

I want to be 20 again, and embrace it.

Love is underestimated, I think.

I believe in Allah.

I believe in myself.

I believe in you.

I am always going to be a musician, even if I don't practice music.

I believe in music, it's a more powerful language than any language.

Tomorrow is a new day, I hope the rain stays, and the evil goes to sleep.

Rain is a larger form of love. Love between the sky and the land.

Today's Song:

Astrud Gilberto - Gentle Rain

Ramblings of sleepless soul

I take a drag of smoke
It's the last cigarette today

Yes, it wasn't a joke
It happens almost everyday
 
It's a joke that isn't funny
It's rather sad actually

It's a day that isn't sunny
It's bedtime again finally

 She lies while she's crying
I pretend I'm not listening
Then she cries while she's lying

And then I believe everything

I'm drained in my own emotions

Stained by random mistakes
I scream in haphazard motions

The soul takes what it takes

Sun is shining
It's a brand new day

That thin purple lining
Is almost fading away

Today's song:
Jon Bon Jovi - Ugly 

A letter to a soulmate

Dear Soulmate,

I know I've been saying this for a while, but yes, you've been gone for a long while, I hope you come back soon. And if you don't ever, I hope you're in a happier place, and I would like you to know that I miss you truly and I think about you more than I ever thought I would.

I wish you were here now, sharing this special moment with me. I'm on a boat, sailing through the Nile of Cairo, along with my dark sailor friend from southern Egypt. Sharing a fruitful conversation of silence, you know, when two people just sit there and absorb the air. That's what i'm doing right now, absorbing the air. Breathing in beauty and remniscing.

It's late at night, yet the Nile is as bright as could be. I come here by myself quite often. It's the closest i feel to you, dear soulmate. And it brings a smile to my face everytime I take my Nubian friend who, by the way, is called Salah. He sometimes just sits there sailing, smoking a cigarrette with me and just out of nowhere, starts to sing Nubian songs, songs about a culture that seems so appealing, so different even though it exists in the same country we live in.

I know, if you were here with me now, you'd be smiling just as widely as I am.

Dear Soulmate,

I wish you love, I send you all my love, I wish you peace and a prosperous life.

And "When" I see you again, I'll just shut up, and let the silence speak.

Yours Sincerely

Mohammed J.

your song for today:

Michael Buble - Everything

Morning light

It's such a beautiful day outside

I'm tempted to take you for a ride
Down a highway inside my mind

It's a bumpy road in my head

All the colours seem to be red

And all the pretty people have fled

Into the beauty of the morning light

Clarity

I've been away. I went to see heaven on Earth. South Sinai. (will post pictures soon)

I have learned to appreciate this country more.

I have learned to think straight, and know

I now know

Who I am

What I want

Where I want my life to go.

And I will do everything with a smile.

I will accept the outcomes.

I will never ask myself "What if?"

And I will keep smiling.

The Air of Cairo

It's exceptional
How the wind blows through your hair
That I could only pause and stare

It may be Sceptical
How the wind always blows in the right place
Showing hidden brightness on your face

It's like it carries around your heavenly scent everywhere i go
It's like it passes through imaginary meadows into icy snow
It's like it guides the stream of the river telling it where to flow
It's like it teases all the flowers making them stand in woe
It's the breeze that flows through you into the air of Cairo

We walk, or perhaps we run
Into a life, one that makes us one
A journey with an everglowing sun

Raise your head, smell, or rather taste the breeze
Lay down next to me and let time freeze
Let the wind blow mellow music into our ears

 

 

Here's your song for today:

Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful

Quote of the day!

"Loss of virtue in a female is irretrievable; that one false step involves her in endless ruin; that her reputation is no less brittle than it is beautiful; and that she cannot be too much guarded in her behaviour towards the undeserving of the other sex." - Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Pride and Prejudice, 1811

I have been in love with this quote for a few days now, I had to post it as a reminder for all women not to let go of their virtue for any reason whatsoever.

Yes, you lose your virtue, you lose yourself.

It goes for us men too in my opinion.

Here's your song for the day:

Dave Matthews Band - JTR

I've just noticed.... I'm 24 and 2 months old today!

Have a pleasant day, and don't forget to smile :)

Found something so precious to me

I was going through my old notes on facebook and i found a post that was written by my girlfriend Sara and I, before we even got together. It's amazes me now that me and her could come up with something so intense!

And yes! we bonded on an intellectual level and sometimes we still do! Here it is:

PS. This was written on Monday, July 23rd 2007 at 2:00 a.m. Cairo Local Time.

Every letter of every word keeps ticking in my head, you know when words are scrambled in your head and all of them just sum up to the same meaning? but who will do the unscrambling? i don't think i even have the will to do that at the moment....

This is not an attempt to set straight all of the words in my head, it's just an attempt to set things straight within me, start writing again, not poetically, but intellectually, yes, connect intellectually with my inner self.

Countless attempts are made and nothing would, could satisfy you...countless maneouvers...countless techniques and you still don't like what you read;
over and over...cross that out, edit this and add that and it's not good enough just yet.

People say i'm blessed with good vocabulary, i think i'm not. I'm just a person whose only refugee is a couple of words written while uttering a couple of sighs in the process, yes, because unfortunately most of my words come out of sadness and shear unhappiness.
In times of doubt and questioning and in those in search of that far off hiding place in my head- in fact when i'm happy, pen and paper are abandoned, mostly. No coincidence would it be, a tear drop on paper...and the ink would bleed.

It's not that i'm an unhappy or depressed person, if you know me quite well, you'd never relate my writings to me, because when i'm outside with the world, you'd constantly hear my laughter and see my shining yellow teeth from miles away, but then, the difference between happy and unhappy is actually a thin line, just like the difference between genius and insane; or that between loving someone enough to hate them; the rage that builds within you for not being able to meet the need...and it leaves you weak. You hate being weak.

Speaking about weakness, have you ever felt so weak around someone that you could swear that this weakness could instantaneously be turned into strength only if your need from being around that person is matched?
So weak that you believe that in their presence you find your strength, in their embrace...your long yearning for home. In that moment home is turned into that relative concept, something more than just a place.
Oh well, forget about it, too complicated, or maybe i'm just overreacting to the thought. I think no one is weak until proven otherwise.

And what's that talk about "the best things in life are for free"?? I must say this is the most gibberish i have ever heard, things that come for free go away in a glimpse, things that are earned are those that matter, the more you fight to get something, the more valuable it is to you and the less likely it is to be lost.
If someone is there for you whenever, no matter what happens between you, if you know it that no matter how you treat them ,or whatever you do to them they're always going to be there for you, it's only natural that you take them forgranted. It's not a matter of ungratefulness, it's the fact that they unconditionally spoil you...... because they were always there "For Free"!
 

Tag!!

I was tagged by BaTaBeeT to do this:

The Rules of the Tag:

• The point is to say a heartfelt ‘Thank God’. So, you’ll have to choose power blessings, ones that really really are endowments, that you couldn’t possibly feel deeper gratitude towards God for. Ones that you feel grateful for, everyday.
• After each blessing, you’ll have to choose one word to describe your state. Examples: “Happy”, “Excited”, “Thankful”, “Humble”. Or, you have to choose any word that comes to your mind after it anyway – one that’ll summarize it all.
• The ones you’d choose are preferred to be special to you, for instance, we all know that ‘Eye Sight’ is an immense blessing, and of course we can list it, but preferably if it has a special meaning to us.
• The number of your blessings should be between 5 and 10.
• After finishing your list, you should write the word: “El7amodellah” in bold, and say it out loud.
• You should tag as many friends as you can – even the ones who don’t blog, inform them that they must comment.
• After that, well, all you do is to be happy and to have ‘Reda’ :)

Here's The List of Things i'm Truly Thankful for:

- I'm thankful for Being a complete human being, in good shape and health. Raised within a complete family. This makes me feel grateful.

- I'm thankful for the special people surrounding me. who have faith in me and who support me all the way.

- I'm thankful for being an artist, even though i'm infamous, it still makes me feel special because artists are different people. and i'm different.

- I'm thankful for the ability to love unconditionally. which frustrates me at most times, but for that i'm a special person.

- I'm thankful for being able to inspire and be inspired. I'm inspired by everything i see.

- I'm thankful for Music. Music is the food for my brain, and my brain is always hungry.

- I'm thankful for you.

- I'm thankful for Laughter. Smiles. and Happiness.

- I'm thankful for education.

- I'm thankful for all the times i failed and stood up again, for i could have never been able to learn better.

- I'm thankful for Tea. I can't live without tea.

so i say THANK GOD for everything الحمد لله على كل شيء

I Tag Sara, Anna, Sarah and Aya 

I've also decided that from now on, with every post i will add a link to a music video that i feel is special to me while i'm typing the post.

So here's your song for today. Enjoy!

John Mayer - Free Fallin'

Gratitude

"Silent Gratitude isn't much use to anyone" - Gladys Bronwyn Stern

 

  

Be thankful. For you are blessed.

You have been blessed with a life and a choice as to how to live it. You have been given options despite the choices you had to make unwillingly. But in the end, it's your life and however it turns out, you are the one who shapes it however is convenient to you and everything around you. Others have no life and no choices.

Be thankful. For you have been blessed with health. 

You have been blessed with a body and a soul. Cherish them. Don't missuse them. For they are your most powerful tools. Till the day you say goodbye.

Be thankful. For you have been blessed with Love.

You have been blessed with love, love is everywhere, love and be loved, love is the nutrition for your soul. Let your soul nourish and embrace the love around you.

Be thankful. For you have been blessed with family and friends.

You have been blessed with people who accept you for who you are. Your goods and bads. And love you all the same.People who miss you when you're away. People who leave a mark on your life forever. People who inspire you. People who make you smile. People who make you cry. And maybe a special person within these people who would do anything possible to make you happy. Know these people. Keep them. Love them as much as they love you. And always make sure they know you are thankful for their presence. Because you never know who will stay. You never know.

Be thankful. For you have been blessed.

Count your blessings. They are surely endless. Keep the good memories. Kill the bad ones. Be grateful. And never forget to show your gratitude. It's healthy for you, and for everyone and everything surrounding you. Because Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone.

Be Good. Be happy. Be Thankful

Sometimes....

 

Sometimes life just surprises u with roads you've never thought of taking

People you would have never thought of knowing

Sometimes life scares you

by giving you too many options

by taking away things you've wanted to have forever

but if you come to think of it

these roads

and those people

might just be the things that you need

because eventually the end of that road could be your happy ending

and eventually you would find yourself within those people

So Sometimes.....

it's ok to accept what life offers you

Things she told me (3)

"I love you. And I love how you laugh"

"I only wanted to kiss you on the forehead"

"I believe you're infinitely strong. This too shall pass. It was home seeing you laugh today, i miss your smile..."

"I just miss you"

"I'm in such a good mood, i wish you were here"

"You're my life's greatest blessing. I love you, eternally."

"Maybe i just miss you and you're my only reason to be optimistic"

"I'm happy i have you to call the love of my life, as corny as that sounds."

"simply seeing you makes me feel better."

"I'm insanely in love with you"

"I need you."

"I'm getting too attached to you"

"I would never be able to put definition to how i love you... You redefine that for me in subliminal ways and in the smallest of gestures."

"You could've cried in my arms"

"I want to kiss you"

"I made a boy read!!"

"Sorry for being so childish and clingy"

"Do you want me to cook for you?"

"I'm sorry i overlooked the fact that you're tired"

"I have a screaming urge to love you and stroke your hair to sleep.."

"Mohammed i feel clingy and i hate missing you"

"I think I know the reason behind my good mood. Thank you for being my family and my life"

"I even love our silences"

"Why can't you be here to run your fingers through my hair till i fall asleep?"

"No one is capable of loving you as much as i do!"

"You'll be here before I miss you to death right?"

"Get some rest and dream of me? Daydreaming would do if you have no time to sleep!"

"Did i cross your mind?"

"I could feel it yesterday how much you love me. It was in the air, floating along the Nile, and it was encircling me. Thank you.."

"What if it makes me miss you and cry like a baby?"

"I smell like you"

"I can't sleep, I need to cuddle"

"I'm literally seksek deprived!!"

"I want you to tell me the shade of yellow i wore in your dream"

"You better save up for the engagement rings!"

"I want us back.."

"You called me baby! I love you!"

Dear You,

Where have you gone? It's been so long! and I miss you, I really do.

There's this person where you used to be. I don't like this person. Please come back.

I've been so lonely, and reading your old messages makes me miss you even more.

I know I sound weak saying this. I put up your old messages on my blog in hopes of you reading them and knowing how much I need you. I'm all alone. I need you more than ever. You were my everything and suddenly you left. 

If you're happy where you are and you won't come back please tell me. So that I can go on with my life and put our good memories in my backpack. Just know that I will always love you. And I mean it.

With all the power I've been given to love

Yours Sincerely

Mohammed

Back home, starting over, love?

So I came back home on Saturday and what a wonderful trip that was, Istanbul is definitely on the top of my favourite cities in the world so far (the ones I've been to). It's such an eclectic place with an amazing weather and so much art everywhere. I just loved it. And I would love to go back there someday for a longer trip, maybe with Sara, she's going to love Istanbul I know it. Here are some pictures:

I don't know the name of this mosque

Istiqlal Street

There's pretty much a starbucks everywhere in the world

I haven't been doing much since i got back, spent 2 days in Cairo mostly with Sara and her family, I feel at home with them. And I have also been catching up with my band. We have a few important gigs coming up and we're getting ready to produce our first album to be released by mid 2010. That's Exciting!

Now Sara, as corny as this may sound, is the love of my life by all means. She is a very complex/beautiful/pure person who is the only person in the world who can make me feel extremely happy and feel extremely sad/mad/upset. But I do know for a fact that no one has ever or ever will love me as much as she did. She redefined love for me and for that, and so many other things, I do love her unconditionally.
She got accepted today at the American University in Cairo to do her masters, I am happy, proud and happy, and I am very proud of her, no words can explain really :)

We are getting engaged soon....
I know we are....Life will smile at us again, at me.
And keep smiling....because I have had enough, really, enough!
And I want to be happy...and I want her to be happy, happier than she has ever been, and stay that way. Me and her, like it used to be, like it should be.

Dear Life,

Please smile back at me.

Thank You

Yours Sincerely,
Mohammed J.

Istanbul

My flight is around 3 hours from now, I'm sitting at a coffee place in heliopolis waiting for the girl to come spend some time with me and then drop me at the airport before she goes to work.

This morning I feel so fresh, my mood is bubbly, not only because i'm going to Turkey for the weekend but because I think I've become more aware of what I want (as in what i want to do with my life) . I still haven't figured it all out yet but I think I'm getting there, which made me wake up this morning with a smile on my face. And i feel psyched.

It's my second time to visit Istanbul, only the first time it was a 18-hour transit so i didn't really get to "visit" the City. This time i'm staying for 2 days. I'm singing in a Sami Yusuf concert (I'm a member of his Choir).
Being in Sami's band is a great experience for me, not only do I get to tour around with him, but I also get to educate myself very much musically, which really shows when i apply what i learn in the music i make with my own band Salalem, and in my other side projects in music. It's fascinating really.

Now Istanbul is a very beautiful city in my opinion, European but Oriental, Capital of a Muslim Country with a western taste. I've always been a fan of eclectic things, and Turkey IS an eclectic Country.

The only problem is that most Turkish people i've met when I was there the last time don't really speak English, and I am not familiar with the Turkish language. So it gets a bit difficult to communicate. Still, i do love this country and it's one of those places that you would always want to pay a visit to.

This picture is breathtaking:

Then again, wherever I go, I always miss Egypt. Because Egypt is a disease that you can neither live with nor without. Once you've caught the disease, it's there forever, Egypt pulls you back and I'm not just saying this, EVERYONE who has truly lived here for a period not less than a year know exactly what I'm talking about here.

Sara should be here any moment now and I need to get ready to leave. Turkey, Here I come!

P.S. I'm going to miss you, I know it and i hate knowing it.

I Think..

I think I may be thinking too much
I think of everything all at once
I think of why I'm always the crutch
I think of when we lost that touch

I think of days of carelessness
I think I want that back again
I think of times of happniess
How thinking was so effortless

I think you took me for granted
When you thought I'd tolerate this
I think the world got wrongfully enchanted
I think that love is usually implanted


I think of going on a stage
I think of any stage as a home
I think of singing till I'm 40 in age
I think I possess a dangerous rage

I think you should stop thinking about that
I think that things happen for a reason
I think you should appreciate where you're at
I think thinking should be wide, not flat



I think, sometimes, of buying her coffee
I find pleasure in small gestures
I think surprizes make me happy
I think no one takes care of me

I think of holding my first child
For what a great father I'll be
I think of how much I'll be beguiled
I think of a smile, I'll smile, she'll smile

I think a smile goes a long way
I think that you should smile too
I think if you smile, it will go away
Smile my friend, and everything will smile back at you

:)

She's Twenty two

Happy Birthday Sweet Thing

Things she told me (2)

"I am so proud of you by the way. I think you are the cutest person there is"

"I want to see you"

"I love you"

"I'm bored, and I miss spending time with you"

"Please marry me and take me away from here"

"You're the greatest blessing a person could ever have."

"I love you. Very much."

"I can't wait till you're done!"

"Good night baby"

"You're all I'll ever need"

"You are my world. Good night world. I hope I make you happy."

"Thank you for kissing my forehead. And for taking me in your arms.. when I sounded like an 8 year old crying over a broken doll"

"I miss us"

"This is not happening.. You are my everything. This can't happen. I am not letting it happen."

This hurts.

I wish i could turn back time.

but i can't.....

i can't

Beauty

I want to see beauty through your eyes
would you let me?
would you take me by the hand
to places only you can see
Would you take me to a journey
a world only you can understand
teach me to appreciate
to ponder
maybe wonder
and smile
realise the beauty of small things
things not visible to my sometimes ignorant eyes
for i'm in a bad dream
and i'm longing for your traquilizing hand
to wake me up